I recently read a book that struck a deeply personal nerve - The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. While the writing style wasn't quite my cup of tea, the core idea brought me to a complete standstill. It laid bare the very thoughts that have haunted me for a lifetime.
A brief look at the premise:
The protagonist, Nora Seed, is drowning in a severe personal crisis - she's lost her job, her cat has passed away, her relationship has crumbled, and she is consumed by the belief that every choice she ever made was a failure. She decides to end her life. Instead of nothingness, she finds herself in the Midnight Library - a realm suspended between life and death where time stands frozen at 00:00. Every volume on the endless shelves holds an alternate version of her life, shaped by a different decision (never quitting music, staying with her fiance, pursuing glaciology). There is also one particularly heavy volume - The Book of Regrets - a collection of every "what-if" she ever harbored. Nora is given the chance to open any book and inhabit these parallel realities to find her "ideal" life. She steps into the shoes of a rock star, an Arctic scientist, a happy wife... yet every single "perfect" scenario carries its own hidden shadows, grief, and catastrophes.
"This is literally my mind," I realized as I read. I spend so much time searching my past for that pivotal turning point - that one foolish decision that, if erased, would have unlocked a better path. I trace these thoughts all the way back to when I was three years old, the very dawn of my memory. I consume myself with guilt, scolding my past self for being careless, overly trusting, missing a chance to evolve, or backing down out of fear. Reading about the protagonist's inner turmoil made me deeply uncomfortable - seeing that level of self-rejection from the outside felt painful and eye-opening. I was looking at a mirror of my own behavior.
Yet, the story delivered several profound realizations that marked the beginning of a true inner healing:
1. Imagine millions of parallel lives: in some, we are healthier, more accomplished, or luckier. But in every single one, our choices are never random - they are forged by our mindset, priorities, and capacity at that precise moment in time. To judge a past decision with the wisdom of who you are today is to put a complete stranger on trial. Back then, that choice was the only logical response you had.
2. The illusion of the "perfect life": We delude ourselves into believing that a different choice in the past would guarantee unmapped happiness today. The truth is, there is no flawless timeline; every alternate reality demands its own sacrifices and carries its own regrets.
3. Life is not poisoned by the mistakes we make, but by our refusal to let go of the regret surrounding them.
I wanted to translate this feeling onto the canvas. The realization of what happens when, instead of honoring your life as a solid, beautiful monolith, you try to chop it into a fragmented salad of supposedly "better" choices. A meaningful story requires every piece: the falls and the ascents, the despair and the growth, the mistake and the unexpected silver linings that follow it.
How often do you find yourself dwelling on the choices left behind?
(Digital drawing, 2026)