The concept of self growth is always seen as exclusively positive development. It is true that putting an end to old habits that do not help you is beneficial to ones progression as a person, but self growth as an idea is deeper than that. To grow into a new thing, the old thing has to stop existing; it has to die. In this situation the "thing" is a part of yourself and not only does it have to die, you have to kill it purposefully. With these views made apparent self growth turns from a cause for praise to a reason for grieving. To make matters even more complicated it's possible the version of you that needs to be ended wasn't always a problem, at one point they were probably considered growth from a previous version of yourself. Looking back at the events that led down this path to both your doom and restoration, its like cradling your past self in a field of flowers and not knowing if they're surrounding you for mourning or celebration. Growth has occurred, but at what cost?